Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
