That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
