If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
