dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize