if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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