my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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