I'm going to rape someone's good day.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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