She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
