Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize