Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
