I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
