we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
