I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
