The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
