i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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