cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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