Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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