she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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