i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
