I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
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