I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
