she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
