He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize