Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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