I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
