I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
