Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
