Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
