I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Randomize
