Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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