and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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