so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Randomize