Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
