Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
