well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
