She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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