its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i dont even know how to be here
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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