using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
