okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Randomize
