break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
