dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
