I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
