Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
