just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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