we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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