We're facebook friends in real life
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
