My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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