I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
