I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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