don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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