You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
