I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
