Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
