So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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