I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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