I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
