Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
