Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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