I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
