I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
