OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
