It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
