so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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