youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i was born a porn star she said
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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