dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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