so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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