Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I think a kid would responsible me up
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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