Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
