I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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