I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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