the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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