You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
