it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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